Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too. – Voltaire

Tolerance (tolerantia in latin) is defined as the attitude of someone who accepts in others ways of thinking and living different from their own. It is considered a virtue, a moral obligation which involves respect and consideration for the other person.

“ Free from bigotry, allowing different races, religions, practices, and opinions to co-exist, it is a pragmatic formula for the functioning of society, ” writes Hans Oberdiek in Tolerance: Forbearance and Acceptance.

A century ago, Einstein (1879-1955), said in foresight : “ Laws alone cannot secure freedom of expression; in order that every man may present his views without penalty, there must be a spirit of tolerance in the population. ”

Rumi (1207-1273), the mystical poet and the savant reminds that tolerance is founded on the “ equality of creation ” :

Christian, Jew, Muslim, shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river; each has a secret way of being with the Mystery, unique and not to be judged.

It infers humility, and prevents one from falling into a self-righteous arrogance.

However it is not boundless. The 13th-century philosopher Thomas Acquinas specifies the limits :  “If someone has an ineffective belief,  it may be tolerated, but tolerance should not be extended to any of the evil or harmful tendencies.”

Ideally, if the tolerance between the parties is mutual, it implies the presence of a relational norm. It serves to respect and secure personal boundaries. Tolerance consoles peace and allows continuity, especially in contexts where differences are sharp and conflicts can flare up. The measure of tolerance is determined by the  circumstances : type of relationship, character, historical and educational background, magnitude of emotions involved, self- mastery and conscience of the person. Montaigne (1533-1592) states that the higher the self-knowledge of the person higher will be his tolerance. He will be more apt to self-actualization.

Tolerance and self-actualization :

The person who realizes his own weaknesses and defaults can better tolerate the other person’s weaknesses. For this reason, tolerance notably relies on self-knowledge. It also allows others to have their own subjective experiences and live the lives they desire. Any attempt to impose or change a person’s subjective reality can cause him to lose his secure private space. Yet, every human being needs personal space to exist with his opinions and actions. Only in this space of tolerance can a person learn from his mistakes and advance on the path of self-knowledge. Thus tolerance becomes a basic requirement for self-actualization.

Montaigne’s approach is compatible with Goethe’s (1749-1832) discourse:

I leave everyone to follow their own bent so I can be free to follow mine.

He emphasizes the practical benefits of mutual tolerance despite differences in views, values ​​and lifestyles. Montaigne’s  humanity and his  “deep dislike for oppression in the name of religion ” corresponds to Descartes’ main argument that “ morality demands that we be generous to others .”

It is arrogance and vanity that incites evil. Bigots destroy freedom and thus self-esteem by allowing their impulsive passions run wild. Taking the side of reason, Descartes (1596-1650)  emphasizes :

Our beliefs are worthless unless we arrive at them through reason. But reason can never be coerced. So we must tolerate – even if merely tolerate – those with whom we find ourselves in sharp disagreement.

The paradox of tolerance :

Voltaire (1694-1778) answers the question “ What is tolerance ? ”

It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly – that is the first law of nature. It is related to humility in the sense that it is better to work out your imperfections as opposed to lecturing or criticizing others about their faults and failings.

On the other hand tolerance is not unlimited. For example the tolerance of oppression in a society becomes oppression itself. That is defined as the tolerance paradox – tolerance of intolerance – which implies the motif to regulate and govern the consciences of other people.

Persecution occurs when tolerance of intolerance reaches the level of being intolerably harmful to the individual or society.

Then we ask the critical question.

How are the limits of tolerance drawn ? :

Determining where to draw the line between acceptable and intolerable is often difficult and controversial. It varies depending on the situation, the nature of relationship, and values. But no matter who, one knows when the limit is exceeded. One criterion is the moral space between the person and the other whom he tolerates. If that space is repeatedly occupied by the disrespectful, “ intolerable ” actions of the other and/or causing material damage, then it is definitely time to reevaluate the limits of tolerance. As the boundaries of selfhood intersect with this area, external crossings leading to psychological, or material/physical damage will become unbearable. Tolerating these conditions leads to persecution.

Inculcating tolerance in sensitive and challenging situations :

When we hear our conscience saying “ Tolerate him, ” we may choose to tolerate the other for reasons of moral or family obligation, respect, or  self-interest. However, our ego, dissatisfied with our decision, demands in rebellion:  “ How dare you do this to yourself, are you stupid? Is it worth it, don’t you see what he’s doing ? etc… ” Under the incessant pressures of the ego, we will be pushed away from our intention to tolerate. Depending on the intensity and history of our relationship, negative feelings and thoughts may rise within and invade us. The perpetual internal conflict may be reflected in external tension and unkind behaviors. In this case, tolerating the “ intolerable ” requires self-knowledge and self-mastery. By transcending our imperious ego, we can calm the inner rebellion with the desire to serve a higher spiritual purpose. It takes good faith and effort.

A few practical methods emulated from the experiences sages, philosophers and the influential thinker of the 20th century, Ostad Elahi :

• Letting go of our expectations from the other instills tolerance in us; liberating oneself from expectations is the golden key to self-confidence, liberty and happiness.
• Finding even one positive point about the person we wish to tolerate helps us to be more tolerant of him.
• Turning our gaze towards inwards to acknowledge our own faults and weaknesses silences our imperious ego and quells possible riots of intolerance.
• At a higher level of consciousness, repelling our negative thoughts about the person we wish to tolerate restores our inner calm and  positively affects our life in general.

Duygu Bruce